acting out

i'm back, bitches. i've had this stretch of days where i have been nervous and tense and worried. so i act out and become kind of a selfish cunt. in the spirit of honesty, i'll try to lay it out for you in a concise manner. due to a "banking error" on my part, i have been unable to pay off a variety of debts that i owe to idividuals and utility companies alike. of course, i managed to pay half my tuition for the acting class i started last night (selfish cunt!). I'm trying not to get too panicky and just take one day at a time. after all, i still have a place to live, and a job, and those suckers at gas and electric haven't turned either one off yet. however, if suddenly my cell phone isn't in service just wait a week or so and in the meantime call me at work. life is too short to get all jacked up about this shit. I've been reading a book by stella adler called "the art of acting". she instructed such actors as brando and dustin hoffman. In the first chapter of her book she says, "any faults you have must be taken care of by yourself. i'm not going to go home and nurse you, and nobody else will. you have to know your faults and correct them". well shit, stella. I take her with a grain of salt, because if you continue to read her words you realize she's pretty haughty. brilliant, but haughty. what's important here is that she has solidified what i've had to come to terms with over the last year. since i graduated from college, i've been throwing a tantrum, waiting for someone to take care of my life for me. it's always been about satisfying my my own impulses because, surely, someone will come along and take care of the other mundane shit for me. i've recoiled from everything that would make me an adult because it's so boring and i fucking hate BORING MONOTONY. suddenly stella tells me to fix my shit and i get it. so, i have to fix myself. sacrifice what i believe is fun and look for smaller things to entertain me. or maybe learn how to not be entertained and just "be". so i'm in debt and overweight and i need to fix that. trust me, this is not an invitation to my pitty party. you are only invited to my bitchy balls and my happy hooplahs. this is just me unfolding for all the intarweb to see. i've got fixing to do but this time i'm not going to cry about it and i'm going to move forward. and fucking slowly at that because i just can't do it all at once. now if anyone knows a way i can hustle some extra cash, let me know. ugh. i'm done now. as a transition, here's a rabbit with a pancake on its head:


yeah, so yesterday i started what i think is going to be a totally kick ass acting class! it's taught by a guy named kevin mcclatchy. he's like, a real actor and stuff. if you want to see his resume, check out his webpage under my theater links. first, he's hot. i'm usually not into older guys but he's way cute. second, i really enjoy him as a teacher. he doesn't give us any bullshit about being a tree or anything. he starts us with the basics like paying attention to details, conveying emotion with out words, being observant and being a good listener. i got to do an exercise with this other guy named john (who i can totally tell is going to work his ass off in class and be awesome) where he could only communicate with me by saying "5551212". in the first scenario he was telling me he won the lottery. it was my job to respond to the emotion he was giving me. this worked in the lottery set up because he started this nervous laughter thing and then i started to laugh and we both laughing about being rich! weeeee! in the next scenario he had to tell me in number-speak that our dad died. this one didn't go as well because i was really stuck on creating a scene rather than truly reacting to what he was doing. i think it's because i've watched so much goddamn improv (ahhh! funny improv is the shit!). it was just so much fun and i had to stop myself from smiling so that i wouldn't look like a goofball. i feel like i've been waiting for someone to talk about acting like this since high school. man, i really wish that i would've taken theater in college, but i think i'm much more capable at 29 than i was at 18 or 22. i can't wait until next week and i absolutely dread missing the class i'll have to miss in september. also, i had headshots done for real cheap by a lady named marie godwin. i'll post her link... somewhere. can't decide on a category yet. if you need pictures and you're on a budget, she's your gal!